personal testimony: IDENTITY

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.””

‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭38‬-‭42‬ ‭‬‬

In this passage, there are two sisters. Mary sat at the Lord’s feet + listened, but Martha was distracted by much serving. I tend to feel more like Martha. I tend to be distracted by much serving. I want to earn the love and approval of the Lord through my accomplishments, achievements + talents.

Growing up, I felt that I needed to earn the love and the approval of the people around me by the things that I did. I strove for acceptance + to be told that I was good enough. The way I viewed my relationship with others greatly impacted the way that I viewed my relationship with the Lord.

I believed that the love the Lord had for me was reliant on my perfection instead of on God’s grace. I was horrified that on judgement day, God would look at me and say, “Madelyn, you are not good enough for me.” I knew that I failed so many times and I felt too broken and unworthy for His love. I wanted to earn God’s love and approval on my own, but no matter how hard I try to be succeed in everything, I can’t.

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrated His own love for us in this. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

I know what God says about me and how He says I am loved by Him and perfect and beautiful in his eyes, but it’s been hard for me to believe it.

Psalm 139:14+15 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

When my identity isn’t in the Lord, my identity is incredibly unstable. Instead of listening to who GOD says I am, I’m looking to my accomplishments + personal success to fill + complete me.

I thought that I needed to be good enough on my own before I could be loved and cherished by God. However, God has shown me time and time again how much He loves me, just because He made me. He loves me unconditionally, even though I can’t do everything right.

Instead of God seeing all the ways I don’t measure up, He just sees His son’s blood that was shed in LOVE. My brokenness only further proves my need for His forgiveness + love. Each one of us has a God-sized hole in our lives. When we try to fill it with things other than the Lord, we won’t find true fulfillment. We need to we admit our need for the lord and for his love and we need to REST in the love he has given us.

His love is faithful and more than I could ever understand. His love for me is sacrificial, undeserved, and unconditional. That means God loves me because He made me, not because of anything I’ve done or because of anything I haven’t done. There is nothing I can do that would make Him love me any less and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more. Even though we don’t often experience this love, every single one of us receives it from God.  

Ephesians 3:18+19 “That you may know how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  

While in India, there were a few weeks where we were unable to do ministry like I wanted to be able to. I struggled with feeling that I wasn’t accomplishing enough for the Lord. I had to ask myself, “am I putting my worth + identity in who I am + what I’ve done, or in the Lord + what he has done?”

John, one of Jesus’s disciples, called himself “The disciple Jesus loved.”

“That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea.”

‭‭John‬ ‭21‬:‭7‬ ‭

John calling himself that had bothered me before because I felt like John was being prideful. But now, I realize that by John calling himself, “the disciple Jesus loved,” he was putting his identity first + foremost in Christ. He was placing his identity in the love the Lord has for him, rather than in himself or his accomplishments. It wasn’t pride in himself, but pride in the Lord. This challenged me to believe that I am the one that Jesus loves.

My identity is in the Lord. If I truly call myself the one that Jesus loved- there is nothing that I can accomplish and nothing that I can do that will change my identity

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭37‬-‭39‬ ‭‬‬

I encourage you to ask yourself, “What is my identity if it’s not in the Lord?”

I know + I believe I am a seated with the Lord in heavenly places. He loves me not because anything I’ve done. He loved me + died for me while I am still a sinner. He’s not impressed with my performance, my popularity, my position, my righteousness or appearance. Isaiah 64:6 “All our righteous acts are like filthy rags.” My attempts to impress God are nothing to Him.

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The Lord is a GOOD FATHER. Not only do I want to understand what it looks like for God to be my father, I’m learning what it looks like for me to live as a daughter of the Lord- fully known + fully loved solely because of who the Lord CREATED me to be.

I’ve had to ask myself, am I content to sit at the feet of the Lord and listen to his words? Am I content to rest in the love that he has for me or Do I feel the need to strive in order to earn his love or approval?

Before I was even born I was seen + I was loved by the Lord. My bad performance does not equal His disappointment. God doesn’t NEED me. He wants me. God is calling me to live a life of intimacy. He wants me to do life WITH him.

I’ve seen many people worship a lot of different gods on the race, but there is a huge difference between their gods + Jesus. With every other god, people have to find it. They have to search for it, make it, pursue it. BUT, GOD. He SEARCHES for us. He MADE us. He PURSUES us. God isn’t a god we place on a pedestal + bow down to- He’s a God of relationship + intimacy. It’s not a one-sided deal, He loves us more than we could ever love Him.